Too Much Fizzy Water
by T.B. Stormshot
Summary: Your typical plotless fic in which everybody acts out of character and SO much insanity insues it's just plain funny... hah hah heh... only 2 Animorphs show up by the way. This was reuploaded due to technical difficulties... Ax's lines didn't show up...


Too Much Fizzy Water  
  
By: T.B. StormShot  
  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own the Animorphs, and I'll have to DEAL with that fact. But if I DID own the Animorphs I'd sure as Hell give'em a better ending then AppleGate did... *sigh* no offense to good ol' Apple...  
  
Gah... on a recent note, I had to re-upload this thing, because for some stupid reason, Ax's lines DON'T show up... now stop laughing at me... by and by, Ax's thought speech will be shown by [ ], okay then...  
__________________________________________________________________________________  
  
It was a quiet day in the peaceful Mid-Western lands, a warm 40 degrees with a 10% windshield. Ah yes, almost enough to unzip your World War II leather jacket remake and air out that stuffy itchy pink sweater that goes so well with the khaki flares.  
  
Yes just another warm February day.  
  
But wait-  
  
Who is this but coming down the streets??!  
  
It's-It's JAKE! *dumdumduuuum*  
  
Ah yes, Jake, the infamous Animorph leader, and by that solemn, grim look on his face right now as he walks down the sidewalk, you just KNOW something must be wrong...  
  
"Jake!" a voice yells from across the street, and as the camera shot swings from the right to the left we see.... MARCO!!!! *duhduhduuuuuh!*  
  
"Hi Marco," Jake greets distractedly, deep in thought.  
  
"Hey Jake, mi amigo, whas' up with that muy mal look on yo' face? Yo, meaning YOU and not Yo as in the spanish way of saying 'I' Yo mean..." Marco asks in his slight Spanish accent as is heard in the T.V. show.  
  
"Marco................................ *dramatic pause*....................................... we've got a problem," Jake replies. *Duhduhduuuuuuuuuuuuh!*  
  
"Oh NO! A PROBLEM???! If only I knew what that MEANT in Spanish!!" Marco yells out in a angst-ridden shout as he covered his head with his arms and dropped to his knees.  
  
[I believe I can answer that question] Ax suddenly said as he popped out of the bushes in his Andalite form, which is half-man, half-deer, and half-scorpion, as Marco so well put it in an Animorph book who the author feels herself much too lazy to go up to her room and find out WHICH one. [Being the all-mighty, super-intelligent, ultra-suave Andalite being I am, I am already quite knowledgable in Spanish from picking up odd words from Marco's broken and slang-ridden speech and processing it in this neato-techo geek microchip that was implanted in my BRAIN, which INSTANTLY figures out ANY sort of language. INSANTLY]  
  
"Say, how DO those things translate an entire language based on a few solitary words anyway?" Jake asked.  
  
[HAH! That information is FAR above the brains of HUMANS] Ax sneered, crossing his weak, bright blue arms, which might have, on his home planet, have provided camoflauge, but now looked simply gaudy in Earth's drab atmosphere.  
  
"Ah, voodoo, got'cha," Jake nodded understandingly.  
  
Ax coughed uncomfortably.  
  
"So tell me oh muy bueno Andalite! Mi Amigo mucho! Que es "problem" en Espanol??" Marco pleaded, suddenly switching to full blown Spanish and confusing everyone reading who doesn't understand even a LITTLE of the Spanish language.  
  
[Uhh... es... la prueba en Espanol...] Ax told him, thinking for a moment.  
  
"Ahh! Si! Si! La Prueba en Espanol! Si! S-...... Aye Carumba! Jake tienes la prueba!   
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Marco screamed before fainting.  
  
Jake and Ax looked down at the fallen Marco before shrugging. "At least we won't have to speak in Spanish anymore," Jake commented.  
  
[ Si.] Ax agreed.  
  
"Hey Ax, how do you feel about goin' down to the village and picking up a sub sandwich?" Jake asked suddenly.  
  
[There ain't no village] Ax responded.  
  
"Of course there's a village, and we should really go there. I think Visser 3 is about to attack it... meaning Visser 3, and not Visser 1, which would be Marco's supposedly dead mother at this time, and not Visser 3, because Visser 3 is at this time the evil Andalite controller who is bent on the destruction of us the Andalite bandits, who, unbeknowst to him, are actually 5 kids and an Andalite, not counting the 'other' Animorphs which in real life are actually a bunch of disabled children, because of course they don't exist at this time," Jake replied.  
  
[There ain't no village] Ax responded.  
  
"Of COURSE there's a village!" Jake told him. "And don't call me Prince!"  
  
[I did not call you Prince, Prince Jake and there AIN'T no village.] Ax sighed mentally.  
  
"Hah! You just called me Prince! PRINCE Jake! Don't call me that! Now, the VILLAGE!" Jake yelled.  
  
[DAMMIT! I'LL CALL YOU PRINCE WHENEVER I DAMN WELL PLEASE PRINCE JAKE! AND FOR THE LAST TIME, THERE AIN'T NO VILLAGE!] Ax screamed.  
  
Jake stared at Ax blinkly.  
  
Ax sighed. [Yes, yes I know we are acting out of character Prince Jake. This IS a fan fiction you know]  
  
Jake blinked. "Sooo, what happens now?"  
  
[I do not know, I believe the writer is currently having some sort of mental block in coming up with a plot. We will most likely persist in idiotic and unrealistic antics and make vague references to ill-known cartoons and books] Ax shrugged.  
  
"Ah," Jake nodded.  
  
[Say, what WAS that problem you had?] Ax asked.  
  
"Eh, Cassie wanted to go steady, but I'm just not ready for that level of committment, I have too much stuff to do, worlds to save, video games to play, I can't be dragged down by a woman you know. But try telling HER that," Jake sighed.  
  
[Women] Ax sighed in agreement.  
  
Without warning, Jake and Ax were suddenly transported to another realm that was an explosion of psychadelic color and disco balls of various sizes. Jake and Ax were however, not surprised in the least. "When anything strange or eery happens-" Jake began.  
  
[-blame it on the Ellimist.] Ax finished.  
  
"BEHOLD SMALL PATHETIC MORTALS FOR I AM THE GREAT ELLIMIST, MASTER OF TIME AND SPACE!" the Ellmist shouted.  
  
[And Cinnabuns??] Ax asked in wonder.  
  
"ESPECIALLY CINNABUNS," the Ellimist yelled.  
  
"Sooo why did you transport us here to this other realm of what seems to be an explosion of psychadelic color and disco balls of various sizes anyway?" Jake yawned as he settled on a polka-dotted pink beanbag chair that suddenly oozed from the floor.  
  
"I ADMIT IT, I'M A RENAGADE FROM THE 70'S. SUE ME. BUT THAT IS NOT WHY YOU ARE HERE!" the Ellimist exclaimed.  
  
[No shit. Now, do you know where a phone might be around here? I have to call my lawyer] Ax snorted while looking around with his bendy-toy eyeballs.  
  
"WHY?" the Ellimist asked suspiciously.  
  
[Well duh. I'm going to sue. You said I could.] Ax snorted again.  
  
"DAMMIT! YOU KNOW THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!" the Ellimist yelled angrily.  
  
Ax humphed angrily before crossing his arms and looking the the other way. he grumbled unhappily.  
  
"ANYWAY, AS I WAS SAYING-"  
  
"Hi!" said the Drode as he suddenly popped in from out of no where.  
  
"Dagnabbit, it's the Drode!" Jake yelled.  
  
"Dagnabbit?" Marco asked uncertainly.  
  
"DAGNABBIT," the Ellimist agreed solemnly.  
  
"What are YOU doing here?" Jake asked suspiciously.  
  
"Well, I'm here to act fairly evil and be really, really mean to everyone and make them feel really bad about themselves. I'm also supposed to be the 'ambassador' of Crayak. But mostly to act evil and be really, really mean," the Drode replied, grinning happily.  
  
"Cheezits, please close your mouth, please. You grinning just... creeps me out man..." Marco shuddered.  
  
The Drode grinned wider.  
  
"Sooo, you're here to act evil and be really, really mean to us?" Jake asked, scratching his head.  
  
"Nope, today I'm supposed to deliver a message to you Jake, personally, and then I'm going to go on a date with my girlfriend Linda," the Drode shrugged nonchalantly.  
  
"You have a girlfriend?!" Marco asked in a slightly surprised voice.  
  
"Yes, yes I do," the Drode nodded.  
  
Jake scratched his head again before realizing something. "Hey! Marco! When did you get up?"  
  
"Ummm, about 3 lines ago," Marco said, shrugging.  
  
"Oh," Jake replied.  
  
"HEY! HEEEY! GETTING OFF SUBJECT HERE! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO PAY ATTENTION TO MEEE! NOT THAT LITTLE DWEEB, THE DRODE!" the Ellimist yelled.  
  
"Hey! I wouldn't talk! I'm not the one that hasn't gone on a date for a millenia!" the Drode yelled back. "And another thing! I refuse to be called 'THE' Drode. I'm just Drode, okay??! DRODE! NO 'THE'! ALRIGHT?!" the Drode yelled furiously.  
  
"Hey! Hey! First off, all of my kind-the-the-Whatever, were KILLED off! Okay??! And, plus, PLUS, being a body-less mass of energy who controls the strands of SPACE and TIME has its responsibilites! I can't just go running off with-with some GIRL, with a BODY, a body of WHATEVER anytime I like and-and, hey! What happened?! What happened to my Capital Letters??!" the Ellimist suddenly yelled out.  
  
"DUH. I STOLE THEM," the Drode answered. "AND TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION ABOUT THE SO CALLED 'RESPONSIBILITIES OF 'SPACE AND TIME'... EVEN LORD CRAYAK GOES ON A DATE ONCE IN A WHILE. GRANTED, IT DOESN'T ALWAYS TURN OUT THE WAY WE PLANNED BUUT-"  
  
"Hey! First off, I thought you couldn't steal stuff! You were only HERE, to act evil, be really, really mean to everybody, and make people feel bad about themselves! It didn't say you could steal people's abilities to talk in capital letters!" the Ellimist yelled.  
  
"WEEEELL... I CAN DO THAT TOO," the Drode shrugged.  
  
"Yeah! Well if you DON'T give my capital letters back, I'll-I'll-I'll tell everybody that dirty little secret about your past!" the Ellimist yelled.  
  
"YOU-YOU FIEND!" the Drode gasped in shock."FINE, FINE THEN! YOU CAN *HAVE* YOU STUPID LITTLE CAPITAL LETTERS! I DIDN'T WANT THEM ANYWAY!" the Drode yelled angrily, before giving back the capital letters.  
  
"AH, THAT'S BETTER! NOW-WHAT DO YOU MEAN CRAYAK GOES ON DATES??! I'VE NEVER SEEN HIM GO ON A DATE!!" the Ellimist yelled in surprise.  
  
"Well... he does," the Drode shrugged.  
  
"I CONTROL THE STRANDS OF SPACE AND TIME FOR CHEEZITS' SAKE! I WOULD *KNOW* IF HE EVER WENT OUT ON A DATE! AND I'VE NEVER SEEN HIM GO OUT ON ONE!" the Ellimist disagreed angrily.  
  
"Well, he does. He goes out when you're sleeping," the Drode shrugged.  
  
"DAMN ME AND MY INCESSANT NEED TO SLEEP!" the Ellimist wailed.  
  
"Heh, are you enjoying this as much as I am?" Jake asked Ax and Marco.  
  
[Yes Prince Jake ] Ax agreed.  
  
"Don't call me Prince," Jake snapped.  
  
Ax's tail twitched.  
  
[I THOUGHT, we went OVER this...] Ax growled.  
  
The Drode grinned widely as the Ellimist cried unhappily.  
  
Marco blinked. "Yo, Drode. Didn't tu have a message for mi amigo Jake?"  
  
The Drode also blinked. "Why, yes. Yes I did."  
  
"So, uh... what is it?" Jake asked.  
  
"Lord Crayak requests that you please get off his beanbag chair," the Drode replied.  
  
"Oh," Jake said, before getting up. The polka-dotted pink beanbag chair disappeared in a cloud of bright purple smoke.  
  
"Now that THAT'S done, I'm off to get ready for my date," the Drode grinned happily. He turned around and then paused, before looking over his shoulder. "Say, do you think Linda would prefer my "Shocking Essence" cologne, or possibly the "Midnight Moon" by Tommy Hilfiger?"  
  
"Uh... on you?" Midnight Moon"... definitely," Marco coughed uncomfortably.  
  
"Gotcha! Right on!" the Drode agreed cheerfully before popping out of existance.  
  
Jake coughed. "Well... THAT was disturbing... anyway... Ellimist... WHAT exactly are we doing here by the way?"  
  
The Ellimist stopped sobbing for a moment and thought. A long pause could be heard.   
  
"Well?" Jake prodded.  
  
"DAMMIT! THAT STUPID DRODE MADE ME FORGET!" the Ellimist screamed.  
  
"Oh, well that's just MUY bueno..." Marco sighed.  
  
[Well, I'm going back to my grassy patch o' land then. Tobias says he'll catch me a mouse tonight and we can make stew!] Ax giggled before walking 2 feet to the right and disappearing.  
  
"Hey! Where'd you go Ax?" Jake yelled.  
  
Ax reappeared and shrugged. [Oh, The exit's right behind this psychedeckily-colored curtain here] he said before disappearing again.  
Jake and Marco looked at each other before shrugging and walking out.   
  
"Para... THAT was interesting..." Marco said "At least we don't have to go on some stupido mission..."  
  
"Yes, yes we don't..." Jake said suspiciously as he swung his head from side to side. "At least... until the Ellimist REMEMBERS..."  
  
...  
  
...  
  
...  
  
*dumdumDUMMMM!*  
  
The End...  
  
*Woah... give me a Nestle Crunch and some Fizzy water and see what I come up with... Oh well... the World knows we need more fanfics with stupid plotless humor in'em... Don't bug me about spelling by the way, I KNOW psychadelic is probably spelled wrong... if anything, get me for grammer... oi... 


End file.
